Let go of your baggage off your Kids Back

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Although me and my daughter have had many heart-filled adventures together, it’s only in these last twelve months, at the ripe old age of forty-one, that I have been finally learning the art of letting go, with some insightful parenting wisdom to share with the world.

This is my journey and what I have learned

Children are not the vessel to fulfill your Unfinished desires

Picture some children playing football on a typical Sunday afternoon. Many of us parents are often at such events screaming on top of our lungs at our kids to go on and “get that ball, c’mon forward…forward toward the goal!”. The hidden truth is that as parents, we are actually trying to achieve and accomplish things through our own children that we ourselves couldn’t do! Instead of pushing your kid to be the next Cristiano Ronaldo of the world which you always dreamed of being, focus on your child’s desires for a change, and just let your child socialize and just have a jolly good time with his mates. Social engagement and forming healthy relationships with their peers are a vital part of growing up for a child. So, next time you feel like yelling like a driven coach who wants to win the next football world cup, take a step back and instead, go for a walk, read a book while the child conducts its social activities.

Too much social media is too Adverse.

Social media is constantly reiterating how great everyone else’s life is. In reality, it really isn’t. Social media for children today can be easily compared to those testing years we as adults went through at secondary school with constant comparisons, jealousy, envy, etc. Constantly being on the phone on social media can also have adverse effects on your child’s delicate brain, and it can be bad for their mental health. We should take complete stock of their time on their phones and encourage them to do more outdoor activities rather than swiping away at various apps on phones. As parents, we should also refrain from engaging ourselves in similar activities, especially when we are with our children, and rather spend some quality time conversing with them.

Acknowledge your Child’s feelings

Effective parenting involves listening and acknowledging your child’s feelings rather than just brushing them away. Listening to your child makes them more comfortable to share things with you, which is helpful, especially during teenage. Not listening to them and not caring about their feelings may make them feel not heard and can result in resentment against you.

Children are not Robots

Today, we see many parents occupying their child’s time with endless activities and can put them on a daily schedule! It could be ballet, tennis, mandarin lessons, or just draconian roti-making lessons in a bid to make your daughter the best future daughter-in-law! Instead of putting them through a barrage of activities after a long day spent at school, we should draw them a hot bath, give them warm clothes and some delicious home-cooked food and spend some quality time with them. They are not robots but are little humans, and we should not make them devoid of having a normal childhood. There is a whole lifetime to learn new skills.

‘Your Children come before You!’

To quote the famous Richard Templar, ‘When you decide to have children, part of the commitment is to put your children before yourself. You’ve only got to stick to it until the youngest is 18; until then, your hobbies, career, free time, and the rest take second place. At least one parent needs a job that broadly fits around the kids.’ Your time and presence are of the essence in the formative years of your child. Remember, you don’t have to do things till they are growing up. Your personal ambitions and wishes need to take a step back or have to be aligned with your child’s activities and well-being.

The Art of Keeping Calm

Eckhart Tolle, a well-known spiritual leader, once narrated a beautiful story; when two ducks get into a fight, it never lasts long. They float away in opposite directions and flap their wings vigorously a few times, thus releasing the surplus energy built up in the fight. After they flap their wings, they float on peacefully as if nothing ever happened. We should always learn to let go of our anger quickly and always be calm and peaceful, especially in front of our kids. It promotes strong positivity and a healthy mind.

Learn to say NO

We all have those friends who just can’t get enough of your Michelin star restaurant styled cooked pakoras along with three-course delights! Some of us are genetically programmed to make others happy. But remember, you don’t always need to be so welcoming and can always say no. Creating positive boundaries can help you lead a balanced, healthy life. That time can be spent alone resting, doing a hobby, or simply with family.

It can be exhausting being a parent. I hear from some of my closest and dearest friends that they had a tough time with their children until they exercised the above hacks and learned the art of letting go. Remember, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. As far as my journey goes, it is a harmonious flow of work in progress… tbc.

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