Marriages are made in heaven! Oh right !

Yes! It’s true marriages aren’t made in heaven; they are made right here on earth and probably have a designated address.

While love may be the reason people marry, it’s not the only reason. With the emphasis on the words ‘maybe’ and ‘ not the only one reason.’ Every couple chooses to commit to marriage because it serves their needs and supports their values and dreams.

Love in the dictionary gets defined as a feeling of deep affection or attraction for someone, so obviously, this feeling is to build up over time, we meet someone, and with time we realize the person is a good fit for us, they feel and follow some rules and etiquette or even break these rules as we would, based on the way we are raised and are similar to us in some ways or they complement what we are in that present moment or what we have seen works for others, a song already sung is an easy tune to pick.

Does the question then arise what’s love at first sight?
Can we consider that love, at first sight, is a ‘positive illusion’ which gets considered in retrospect after having spent some time with our partners and having succeeded in doing so?

I recently came upon five essential attraction points for two individuals.

Physical, Social, Financial, Intellectual, and Soul Connect.

Physical is obvious a visual representation of what we are immediately attracted to, the primary packaging.

Social is where the person is at in work or academics society, etc. The person has achieved that draws us to them.

Financial is a calculated step which, believe it or not, we do subconsciously justify in our minds, as an individual or a partner will this person be able to live and let me live the comfort of life I’ve been living or visualize me to have?
Believe it or not, more than 75% of marriages worldwide are based on just these three norms.

Yes, over time, people reach the intellectual phase- these are the people who make a lot of effort in their partnership with each other and have facilitated communication amongst themselves. They evolve individually and nurture the partnership they are in with respect, space, and emotional quotient.

The soul connects, or soul mates are a rare species because they work in reverse. They connect first and then go on the path of the other four facets. Which, mind you can be a disaster too. But if it falls through, it can be magic.

If marriage was all about love and physical attraction only, this union would not last a week because everyone’s shit stinks. And there are no unicorns or mermaids, sorry to sound like a cynical Miss Havisham kind from Great Expectations.

Hold your horses! I do believe in union and love and all of the pink sparkly words; I’m just trying to say they come with a manual, formulae, and unfortunately, sometimes with an expiry date too. Solution. To make a constant, earnest effort keeping your Ego on a diet now and then.

Love over the years, if it’s honest, practical, and respectful, should transform into Kindness for one another.
Libido is going to go down, the stretched skin will sag, and the perimeter will increase. At this stage, Kindness to one another, along with a healthy amount of space, is much required.

No, don’t become fuddy-duddies. If your 70 and want to rework your sex life, please go ahead and get the handcuffs. But don’t expect your spouse to dream of it and sulk over her not being interested. Communicate say what you want. Silence and internalizing is the worst thing one can do in a relationship. The mundanity and repetition of our daily lives make our relationship stale, and we start either blaming our partner or blaming the ticking of the clock for our downfall, whereas if we self interrogate, how much do we do to self evolve to self-love and to determine our self worth to ourselves. How much are we giving rather than just wanting?

We are the engineers of our being, and if we do not change and progress in the path we have chosen for ourselves, we cannot generate happiness for ourselves or another.

” Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” – Leo Tolstoy.

Also Read : 

Modern Women’s guide on living with In-laws

Raising Girl child in Gender-neutral Space

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