Emotional Intimacy: My Realization About a Successful Relationship
Are you aware of the term called ‘emotional intimacy’? It is quite possible to stay in a relationship for years without having any emotional intimacy. Yes, many couples are married for so many years, and still, they are not emotionally intimate with each other. These people are in a commitment when they are in this situation.
What do you mean by Emotional Intimacy?
Let me tell you; this is different from intimacy. Emotional intimacy is the ability to share all your thoughts, feelings, passions, likes, dislikes, and even your deepest and darkest secrets with your partner and vice versa. When you are emotionally intimate with your partner or spouse, you will no longer feel lonely at any point.
Marriage is the bond when two people commit to each other to stay together and that too in happiness. But unfortunately, many married couples feel lonely and unhappy. Why is it so? I have seen many of my acquaintances staying together for many years and still feel like total strangers. Their marriage seems like a successful one, but still, if you ask them, they have a fear of intimacy.
If I explain it in simple language, marriage and staying together is the commitment they made to each other. But they are afraid to open up and be honest with each other. Intimacy is the willingness and the ability to speak your heart out in front of your spouse. And finally, intimacy is the closeness that is both emotional and physical.
How to determine that either you or your partner fear Intimacy?
1. Giving ‘Silent Treatment.’
I have often heard from many that while arguments or disagreements, their partner leave the discussion or stop the conversation by giving ‘silent treatment.’ This is the easiest way not to acknowledge or communicate.
2. Leave the Room
Sometimes, you may get a reaction to the disagreement by your partner leaving the room. Similarly, this also showcases that your partner refuses to answer you or argue or talk with you. I got to know from many of my friends that this is the most frustrating and helpless time when their partner refuses to deal with the scenario. This is when you have less scope to mend everything, and you can’t do anything.
3. Keeping Secrets
Keeping secrets between couples is showing evidence of a lack of intimacy between them. You will hear that partners are not best friends if they are not sharing their secrets.
4. Not Empathize
Last but not least, if your partner doesn’t empathize with your feelings, stress, and anxieties, then indeed, the emotional intimacy is absent.
Reasons to Avoid Intimacy.
There are several reasons to avoid intimacy depending upon a person’s psychological conditions. It depends on a person’s past experiences, presence of control freak parents during childhood, physical and emotional abuse while growing up, etc. You might find some who are extremely afraid to be in any relationship because of this fear of intimacy and commitment.
According to me, relationships depend on honesty, empathy, and willingness to understand each other’s feelings. A successful relationship has two interdependent individuals who can change and adjust if required.
From my personal experience, we have 17 years of a long relationship and still going strong. When we thought of being together during our college days, one thing we never avoided is our difference of opinion and arguments. We have spent hours discussing, even if the discussion turned into a debate. We try to conclude every time, and one of us would agree to the other’s point of view. If at any moment, we felt that our difference of opinion is very strong, and none of us is going to agree with the other, we at least come to the solution of ‘agree to disagree,’ where we respect each other’s opinion although disagreeing.
The communication gap is a hindrance to an emotionally intimate relationship. I have always considered my husband as my best friend, and the feeling is mutual. We still share our vulnerable side. During the advent of our relationship, we both disclosed all our dark secrets, our faults, and our weakest and strongest moments. This helped us to understand each other and how we react to any scenario.